Christmas Cards

Kim knows that often subtlety is lost on me. She’ll say, “we need to go to the store for some milk.” She’ll see the blank look on my face and she’ll clarify by saying “that’s the you part of we.”

Somehow over the thirteen plus years we divided up a lot of tasks that way. One of the tasks that has always been Kim’s was when we need to send out holiday cards. This year we won’t be sending one out. We appreciate the cards we are receiving and hope that you won’t cross us off of your list next year.

It’s become clear from some of the cards we’ve received that many people don’t know about Elena. There are also those who know who take a moment to let us know they know how hard this time of year must be.

In between are the people who know and don’t say anything. We know they know because they address their cards to me, Kim, and Maggie. It’s odd but for some the silence feels o.k.. We know they get it. Or their card is a newsletter that recaps their past year. Or their card is a picture of their kids tucked inside. We love getting those.

For others it seems as if something is missing. There’s a personal note tucked inside that isn’t personal. Most years we read this note that could be written to anyone and move on. This year it feels jarring.

I suppose that’s part of the reason we can’t write Christmas cards this year. That’s the Kim part of we. They would either be way to personal or not personal enough to send. In either case, the emotional toll for sending them would be too great.

Published in: on December 21, 2006 at 8:48 am  Comments (3)  

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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Six years ago our son was born severely disabled, the prognosis was quite grim. He was born in July and his early infancy was “normal”. When it came time for Christmas cards, I had taken a captive photo of him and his brother. Looking at the picture one couldn’t tell that anything was “wrong.” We decided to send out a photo card, without a note attached. Most of our friends did know about Will, but the “out of town” – “once a year” – “card exchanging” friends did not. I just couldn’t bring myself to write a letter, I did try, but I just couldn’t do it. The following year I did, and the response was overwhelming and lovely. Will is still with us – Praise God. Life is difficult for him, but he is a blessing to all who meet him.

    Thank you for your blog – I so appreciate your honesty.

  2. It’s our second year without our son, and I still had a hard time sending out cards. I want to share in our newsletter about ALL of our children . . . and yet, I cannot ramble on and on about the void Matthew has left. How do I sign the card? I still sent one out. I signed it with my and my husband’s names and then “and children”. It seemed to cover leaving Matthew’s name out. But, this Christmas was easier than last . . . but we never forget.

  3. I don’t know exactly what has happened in your family. I am sorry for your pain.

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