It’s Monday

It’s Monday morning. The trash needs to go out.

Maggie and I cleaned out the refrigerator last night. I walked in the kitchen and she was triaging a bunch of expired or questionable food  to make room for the food that friends and family have brought us.

She told me to man the sink and she’d continue going through the refrigerator. She pulled out items and handed them to me.

I started to throw them out and she asked “aren’t you going to recycle those?”

She is her mother’s daughter. Kim would take the plastic spout out of a cardboard milk carton to recycle it.

So I rinsed out the bottles, jars, and containers and put them in recycling bags.

“You aren’t going to throw those away,” she asked. “There’s nothing wrong with those.”

I shrugged and pulled the containers out of the recycling and put them next to the dishwasher.

It’s Monday morning and the trash needs to go out. So it’s out.

Kim used to put the recycling bags by the back door. Somehow, that was her job. My job was to take them outside.

And that, in a nutshell, was our marriage.

The garbage needed to go out and she did something and I did something and together it got done.

It’s not that she couldn’t have taken those bags from the backdoor to the recycling bins.When I was traveling, she did that and more.

It’s not that I couldn’t have reached under the sync and gotten the recycling together to take outside.When I came downstairs on a Monday morning before her I would do just that.

But mostly we each did our own separate tasks to accomplish things together.

During the week when I’d take the garbage out from under the kitchen sink, when I’d get back Kim would have replaced the bag and put the container back under the sink.

Such small things.

When you do something like that – something small – something that makes someone else’s life a little easier – something they don’t really need and might not even notice – you are saying “I love you.”

Really? You feel loved when someone else helps you with the trash?

I do.

And I miss it already.

It’s Monday morning. The trash needs to go out.

Published in: on August 22, 2016 at 6:57 am  Comments (9)  

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9 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I don’t recall what led me to your blog, many years ago. I do know that your beautiful words of love and loss have been a comfort and an inspiration to me. I don’t have any words today, only complete stunned silence. I am so, so sorry for your tremendous loss.

  2. I lost my wife of 56 yrs about 2 month ago and I can totally relate to your thoughts in this entry. It’s the little, shared things that can hit the hardest when you least expect it. I am very sorry for your loss.

  3. Good Lord. Hang in there. After years of singing along (I guess mindlessly) the lyrics to a Paul Simon tune hit me like a ton of bricks a while back:

    “God only knows
    God makes his plans
    The information’s unavailable
    To the mortal man
    We work our jobs
    Collect our pay
    Believe we’re gliding down the highway
    When in fact we’re slip slidin’ away”

    So sorry for your loss.

  4. I am so sorry for your sudden and heartbreaking loss. I am sending my best thoughts to you and Maggie.

  5. Daniel, there are no words to express my heartbroken grief. I will live every day in honor of our precious lives and remember our beautiful Kim. Love , prayers, a hand… Michele Gronek.

  6. Daniel & Maggie,
    I am heartbroken for your loss and pain – you are not alone – Kim was a special person.
    with love, Sally

  7. I stumbled on your blog and am very sorry for your loss and I am praying for you both.

    Please take care.


  8. Dear Daniel and Maggie – my thoughts are with you both at this very sad time. Your words are beautiful and your sentiments are so insightful and heartbreaking. Jane

  9. The Shaker community grieves with you, Daniel and Maggie. Kim was such a wonderful, loving woman and friend. Susan

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