We paid more for my wedding ring than Kim’s.

It’s hard to estimate the value of rings – it really has little to do with the amount you pay for it.

Kim saw one that she loved that went with a ring from her grandmother. The wedding band also went nicely with her engagement ring.

Kim had a very nice engagement ring that had belonged to my mom’s mom.

It was a beautiful ring -Kim had a good eye for value and she knew immediately that this was something special.

We had the ring cleaned at the same place we bought our wedding rings.

My mother told us a story of how long my grandfather had saved to buy the ring.

Kim and I told the story to my great aunt during one of our visits. Eunice laughed. The ring had belonged to her sister so she knew the real story.

“Max didn’t save to buy Edith’s ring,” she said, “he won it in a poker game.”

It doesn’t matter. That ring sat on my grandmother’s finger and sat on my wife’s finger.

Whether Max saved for years or won it in an instant, it doesn’t matter.

After I asked Kim to marry me and she said yes, my parents met me at Kim’s parents house with the engagement ring.

We went upstairs. I put it on her finger. Somehow we were more engaged.

The engagement ring won in the poker game paired with this wedding ring.

The wedding ring was sixty dollars. I remember it as being used but Kim had a nicer word for it. She had an eye for value. She loved the ring so that was the ring. I worried that it didn’t cost enough. She thought I was out of my mind.

Anyway, she had a used ring for $60.

My ring was beautiful hammered gold. It wasn’t much more than $60 but it was just beautiful, simple, not exactly symmetric, and wonderfully geometric.

Most people who know me or Kim said, “wait a minute, you guys didn’t wear wedding rings.”

We didn’t.

We wore them for the first year of marriage.

I put on enough weight that it got uncomfortable so I stopped wearing it and put it in my top drawer where it still remains.

Kim told me I could get the ring resized but I figured I’d lose the weight and start wearing the ring again.

I kept medium t-shirts figuring I’d fit into them again too.

Neither happened.

Kim lost hers at work.

She took it off to wash her hands and thinks she left it on the sink. When she went back, it was gone.

So, except for the first year of marriage, neither of us wore a wedding ring.

A ring is this unbroken round bit of metal that fits snugly around a finger that is supposed to lead directly to your heart. It is an outside symbol to others that you are married.

One of my favorite things to hear from people since Kim died was that they remember me talking about her.

You couldn’t sit with me for more than a couple of minutes without me telling you something about Kim.

It turns out that she was the same.

Friends of hers from work told me at the funeral that she talked about me and Maggie all the time.

Neither Kim nor me had rings and yet we wore each other so visibly in public that you couldn’t help but know we were married.

Happily married.

Kim was so upset when she lost her ring. To her it was more than the sixty dollars. To me it wasn’t.

We wore the rings for the first year while we were working to understand what it meant to be married. The rings were kind of like training wheels.

I would reach over with my thumb and spin it. I was married.



Of course, I was married with or without the ring.

I’m glad everyone I talked to knew that.

Published in: on September 20, 2016 at 10:33 am  Comments (1)  

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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. Kim’s family on her dad’s side is so large that sometimes it is hard to
    remember all the family members.
    Your blog is so beautiful and has let me come to know about my husband’s niece and what a beautiful person she was.
    How wonderful to have found a love like you and Kim shared.
    She will always be apart of you no matter what. People strive for
    years to have what you both had.Thanks for your wonderful words
    and letting me know what a wonderful woman you Kimmi was

    Marguerite Diemert

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