Addendum

I was invited to provide a victim statement for the criminal case against the man who killed Kim. I was asked three questions. The third was about the effects of the crime – I posted that response yesterday.

Pre-trial was to begin a month ago. That’s when I answered the three questions. It was delayed to begin today so I wrote this addendum about the effects of the crime.

======================

Kim is still dead.

I know that sounds silly to you, but one of the hardest things about death is that life goes on for other people.

I think it’s important for you to understand that the most profound effect of the crime is that Kim is dead and that Kim is still dead.

The defendant got his truck back nearly a month ago. He can work again. He can return to his house after a run.

All of my losses remain.

Today, Kim and I would have been traveling from the Swiss Alps to Amsterdam together. I would be teaching a workshop in Amsterdam that would pay for her trip and more. We love walking the streets of Amsterdam together – visiting the museums, sitting at a cafe along the canals. We’ve never been to the Swiss Alps.

I’m not in Amsterdam and I couldn’t tell you what the Swiss Alps are like.

Kim is still dead.

This case needs to be resolved. It is an open wound.

The facts haven’t changed in the three months since the accident. The truck was returned to the defendant. No more evidence can be found there. Kim’s car was totaled. There was nothing there that could be saved.

It’s getting colder and I’ve been taking the outdoor furniture down to the basement. There in the corner is the hard top to Kim’s car. Usually we carry it up the stairs and put it on for the winter. The car’s been totaled. We have a hard top leaning against the wall.

Those reminders are everywhere.

Thanksgiving is a little over a week away. Maggie and I will host Kim’s and my families. I don’t know what we’ll talk about but I know what we’ll all be thinking about.

Kim is still dead.

By now millions of tires have driven over the scene of the crime. I’ve driven over it a dozen times. It doesn’t get easier.

This case needs to be resolved.

My father-in-law is in the courtroom today. He came last month. He’s there again today. His daughter was killed three months ago. Close this wound for him. Close this wound for all of us. There are plenty of other open wounds.

So many of us have holes that are emptier than the seat next to me at this year’s Thanksgiving dinner. Kim’s seat.

Kim is what made our house warm and inviting. When you visited you felt unhurried. I may glance at my watch or look over at my laptop but Kim never did. She made our house a home.

I think that’s the thing about the effect of the crime. It’s not a static thing. It’s not something that happened and is over – not for us.

Life goes on around us. Sure, we’re getting better but we’re preparing for a year of awful firsts.

The first Thanksgiving without Kim.

The first Christmas without Kim.

The first New Year’s Eve without Kim.

The first year I’ve had to commemorate the anniversary of the death of our daughter without Kim.

The effects of the crime are ongoing.

Most of all, Kim is still dead.

Published in: on November 15, 2016 at 10:39 am  Leave a Comment  

The URI to TrackBack this entry is: https://dearelena.wordpress.com/2016/11/15/addendum/trackback/

RSS feed for comments on this post.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: