Love’s Holiday

It’s after dinner and I’m still wearing the same sweats I put on this morning when I got out of bed to feed the dog.

It’s just the two of us.

I’ve spent most of the day getting my books in order for my meeting with my accountant on Wednesday.

Every once in a while I stand up to let the dog out, feed her, feed me, get some coffee, or just stretch.

I’m almost done so I flip on Apple Music and Earth Wind & Fire’s “All in All” comes on.

I enter credit card statements to “Serpentine Fire”, “Fantasy”, and “Jupiter”.

And then.

And then I get smacked in the head by a song in a way I haven’t been hit in months.

The intro to “Love’s Holiday” starts and I smile remembering Venus Flytrap on the mighty WKRP stroking the chimes next to him and saying “Yes, my children, let’s sample the elements together… Earth, Wind, and Fire”. I actually don’t think he ever said that but it doesn’t matter.

The choir sings “Bah–bahhhhhh, ahhhhh, bah-bahhhh, oh” and I stop what I’m doing and listen to the words “Would you mind, if I touched, …” and while the lyrics roll by I  close my eyes and Kim steps into my arms and we’re dancing.

She pulls in close and my tears fall on the back of her head cause I know it’s not real but it just feels like she’s here again and “I never ever felt this way in my heart before.”

How do you know when love is real?

I don’t know. With Kim I knew right away.

I lean back to look at her. In real life my eyes are closed in the vision they’re open.

“Would you mind if I looked in your eyes till I’m hypnotized”

I’m leaning back  and I can feel her arms on mine. The spot where she leaned up against my chest is chilled now that she’s pulled back. She’s smiling up and me.

And I look at her and see her as all of the Kims I knew at once.

The lyrics are mostly “bah-bah-bah” and as we rock back and forth, the Kims age in my arms.

I see the Kim I first met.

I see the Kim I married.

I see the Kim I traveled to China with to meet our first child.

I see the Kim I watched as she delivered our second child.

I see the Kim I buried our youngest child with.

I see the Kim I traveled the world with

For a moment I see the dying Kim tied to a respirator, missing a good part of her skull as I sit by her bed and stroke her hand.

But mostly I see the Kim I was to grow old with.

She rests her head back on my shoulder.

“Love has found its way – In my heart tonight.”

The music fades.

The moment is gone.

I thank the receding vision for the dance and wipe my eyes.

Published in: on December 10, 2018 at 8:01 pm  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I’m sure you know she will always be in your heart

  2. I don’t mean to be glib, but I’m full of T.S. Eliot this winter. I was reading this before I saw your latest post, I hope it brings some meaning to you.

    The moments of happiness—not the sense of well-being,
    Fruition, fulfilment, security or affection,
    Or even a very good dinner, but the sudden illumination—
    We had the experience but missed the meaning,
    And approach to the meaning restores the experience
    In a different form, beyond any meaning
    We can assign to happiness.

    — The Dry Salvages, No. 3 of Four Quartets

  3. 💙

  4. :silent hug: ❤

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