August

February was a tough month for me and Kim.

Our month of eating cookies.

I say February – but really it depends on February containing 31 and every fourth year 32 days. February extended through Elena’s birthday on March 3.

In our heads the cookies bolstered us for February 22nd, the anniversary of Elena’s death.

In reality, they didn’t.

And so, in the nearly four years since Kim died, I’ve stopped commemorating February with an endless supply of cookies.

But now there’s August.

And by August I mean the month that begins on August 8th – our wedding anniversary – and ends on September 8th – Kim’s birthday.

August doesn’t feel like a cookie type of month so I face August 23rd, the anniversary of Kim’s death, without them.

It’s also complicated. Kim’s accident was days before. It was soon clear that she wouldn’t survive. So the 23rd was the day she was taken off the machine but it’s hard to say what day was her last.

This year Maggie and I were in Oberlin on August 8th. We drove by Fairchild chapel where Kim and I were married. It was such a hot day all those years ago and I remember so much about it.

I guess I use memories like those to get through this month.

Cookies may be a better idea.

 

Published in: on August 17, 2020 at 11:10 am  Leave a Comment  

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