Worry

We were away this weekend. We went to the Dells to spend the weekend with Maggie’s Shen sisters. We’ve gone the last six years and this was an important year for Maggie to go. I’ll say more on the weekend and the Shen sisters in later posts.

But coming back, the house was so empty. It was so quiet. I woke up early to take out the trash and looked back to the window. I knew Elena wouldn’t be there watching, but years of habit are hard to break. It was such a beautiful day. Still wintry and a bit cold but you can feel spring trying to poke its head out. Can you smell it? Can you smell that it’s almost spring.

I worry.

I worry that I will miss Elena every day and that I will look for her knowing she won’t be there.

I worry that there will come a day when I don’t think of her at all. When a day goes by without my thinking of her.

I worry that I will continue to wake each morning with the image of Elena asking one of her many questions.

I worry about the day when I will try to picture her but won’t be able to. When I will try to hear her voice but can’t.

I worry that I am worrying about all of this instead of embracing this day that I should be living fully.